Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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