I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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