saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
