Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
