my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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