I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
