garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
