im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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