my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
