Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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