Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
