I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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