Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
