Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
