just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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