In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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