her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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