i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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