dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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