I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
