Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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