We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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