Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the condom got lost in my hair
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
