Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
