I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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