i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize