Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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