do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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