watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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