How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
