Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
