So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He passed out mid-signature
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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