You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
