pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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