i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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