do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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