I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
