New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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