i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
