): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
