there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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