ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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