Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
