He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
