He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
