And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
