I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
