So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
