I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
