Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize