I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
