around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
