the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
