He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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