update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
