Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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