Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
