how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
