He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize