he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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