you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
