I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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