She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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