So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
