Who wears a wallet chain?!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
