I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
