Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
