im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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