Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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